


I Didn't Know it was a Crush, David

by Squigmistress



Series: Big, Beautiful Feelings [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anger, Canon Gay Character, Coda, Coming Out, Episode: s06e05 The Premiere, Family Issues, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Gay, Intimacy, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29720799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squigmistress/pseuds/Squigmistress
Summary: David and Patrick arrive home after The Premiere and David wants to talk more about some of the wild stuff Patrick said when he was high on pain meds. What he doesn't expect is Patrick's big, gay feelings. But damn, does he love him for it.ORPatrick needs emotional safety to process some feelings and, of course, David is more than happy to hold him through it.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, david rose - Relationship
Series: Big, Beautiful Feelings [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215089
Comments: 39
Kudos: 160





	I Didn't Know it was a Crush, David

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sullymygoodname](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullymygoodname/gifts).



> This little idea was inspired by this comment in the Rosebudd community: "Remember when Patrick was high on pain meds and said to David, 'You'd be a great dad. I wish you were my dad.' Because I THINK ABOUT THAT A LOT."
> 
> That hit me hard, so I had to write about it immediately. Thank you, Rosebuddies, for your willingness to dive into the emotional depths this show has had on all of us.
> 
> This work is no beta read. Please extend grace for errors.

David and Patrick arrived back to the apartment after that disastrous premiere. They had dinner at the cafe, laughing over mozzarella sticks about how their medicinal fun helped to manage the chaos of it all. They sit down on the bed to take off their shoes in quiet comfort. David interrupts the silence and asks, “Hey, remember when you were super high on pain meds and said a bunch of _very_ disturbing things about children?”

Patrick sighs. He’s afraid David is going to spiral. He feels such a freedom in allowing himself to NOT have kids. Like, maybe for the first time in his life, with David, he’s doing what he actually wants. Not what he thinks he _should_ want. David is it for him and he can't stand to even think about losing this gorgeous man. Especially when he’s wearing those leather pants.

“Yeah David, I remember. Well, I don’t actually remember but I remember what you told me and what we talked about. What’s up?” he says, mustering all of his patience. He doesn’t want to push David away.

“Um, you said you wished I was your dad?” David sort of states, and asks, at the same time. He sounds a little unsure. “Is that a kink? Because I hope you know that I am always safe to talk about these things.”

Patrick smiles that soft, fond smile. The one that had David head over heels long before he could admit what was happening. He looks down, feeling a little shy about it all. He is silent for a long moment, looking away, thinking. 

David takes a deep breath, as quietly as possible. He reminds himself that he trusts Patrick and that the anxious ball of fear that’s starting to grow in his chest isn't telling him any truths.

Still looking down, Patrick responds very quietly, “No, it’s not a kink, David.” He takes a shallow breath and David leans down a bit so he can see Patrick’s face and notices a single tear slide down his cheek. 

Inside, David’s heart breaks. He doesn’t know why, but watching the love of his life quietly cry is an intimacy so painful he doesn’t really know what to do with it. So, he reaches out and takes Patrick’s hand. “What is it honey?” he asks, softly.

Patrick takes another deep breath. They’ve talked about his coming out a lot. They sort of had to after how it all went down. But Patrick hasn’t been ready to address his anger. He was so relieved to finally allow himself to be seen and to appreciate the love, acceptance, and celebration from his parents when he told them about David. Now, in true Patrick fashion, he wants to run away from the discomfort of it all. It was done; he came out. Everything is wonderful now, right?

Another tear flows down his cheek and David reaches out and gently catches it with his fingers. Without realizing it, Patrick leans into his touch. David responds by placing his palm on Patrick’s cheek and rubbing his temple with his thumb. 

Finally, Patrick looks up, tears welling in his eyes. “Sometimes I just wonder what it would have been like to have someone like you in my life when I was little, you know? When I was a little eight year old, playing baseball with the boys. Timmy Martin was so handsome pitching to me and I couldn't stop thinking about him. And when I brought it up, my dad would talk to me about how he was a good player. And the parents would joke about the girls in our class watching. You wouldn’t do that, David,” he says, tears flowing freely down his face, “You would have known and helped me. You would have known I had a crush on Timmy Martin. You would have made that ok, David.”

Patrick falls into David’s arms and sobs. He sobs for his inner child. The one who loved hiking, camping, fishing, and baseball. The boy who thought Timmy Martin was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. He sobs for the confusion, jealousy, hopelessness, and emptiness that plagued him through his teens and early twenties. 

He sits up and looks right into David’s eyes. “And David, I’m so angry! I am so angry that my parents never even thought of boys an option, let alone communicated that to me! I’m so angry that I didn’t have someone like you in my life. Someone who was out, and so effortlessly himself. Who was never afraid to love whoever he wanted and fuck whoever he wanted.”

David feels simultaneously surprised, and so deeply proud of Patrick. Jesus Christ, how the hell did he get so lucky?

“I’m so angry that it took me twenty fucking years to realize I had a crush on Timmy Martin. I am angry. And I don’t want to be angry. I love my parents and I _know_ they did their best. It feels wrong to be angry and ungrateful. And I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world because it brought me to you. But I am SO MAD that no one helped me. David, I was alone with this for so long. They left me alone with it.”

He falls back into David’s arms and cries. David is quiet and rubs soothing circles over his back. He lets Patrick cry freely while and holds him through it. He knows, from experience, that the crying part is necessary. 

Patrick takes a shuddering breath and sits up to wipe his eyes on the bottom of his shirt (Ew, incorrect. But, David knows better than to say that at this moment). David reaches out for his hand again. 

“Patrick, honey, I have a couple of things I’d like to say. are Are ready for that?”

Patrick nods.

“The first thing I want you to know is that I was afraid. My heart is with you in this. I remember the fear so well. You just happened to meet me quite a ways after I had worked through it.”

“Really?” Patrick asks. 

“Absolutely. And honey, I had a lot of things you didn’t have. I had gay men and other queer folks around me all the time. My mother is an actress. Everyone assumed I was gay from a young age. Gay was ok, but the panphobia was very real.”

Patrick just nods. He has felt safe with David from the beginning but he didn’t know how important and affirming it would feel to hear David talk about his own fears.

“Thank you, David.” 

David smiles, “Any time, honey. Seriously. You are never alone in this again.”

Patrick starts crying again and he falls into David’s arms for a few more minutes. Once Patrick stills, David gently puts his hands around his shoulders and pushes him back so they can look in each other’s eyes.

“I want you to know that this anger is absolutely gorgeous on you. I know it feels big, and maybe terrifying. But it is so real and so valid, Patrick”. He watches his fiance’s eyes well with tears again. 

“And you know I love your parents. And I agree that they were pretty extraordinary and very loving. But they also fucked up, Patrick. It’s both. They fucked this up and you suffered for it. It is ok to be angry. Please, be angry.”

Patrick stares into David’s eyes then lunges forward and kisses him fiercely. They fall back on the bed and crawl up to their pillows. Lying on their sides, they stare into each other’s eyes for a long time.

“Thank you, David. I am angry. It will help to talk about that more with you when it comes up. Because, I think it will.”

David smiles, touches Patrick’s cheek, and says “Of course, honey. Any time, forever.”

Patrick smiles back. Not the small, fond smile. The gorgeous, open, blissful smile. “Good. The forever option sounds good,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss David.

“As much as I love this, Patrick, I think I need to get these pants off before things go any further and that becomes even more difficult”. 

Patrick laughs. “Ok David. I’m glad we discussed the fact that I don’t have a daddy kink. At least not that I’m aware of so far. But I do need you to get out of those pants.”

Patrick rolls out of bed and starts undressing, having a much easier time of it than David. Which, come to think of it, is par for the course, really.

An hour later, as they get tucked into bed, Patrick rolls towards David and pulls him into an embrace.

“David, I don’t know if I have ever felt more loved and seen. I love how you love me.” 

Tears are welling in David’s eyes. Damnit, he does not want the salt to mess up his skin care.

“And you know what David? I may not have a daddy kink, but I think you just taught me that I have a praise kink. Maybe in the form of queer affirmations. So let’s explore that...right now.” 

They both laugh and fall into each other’s arms. 

“Oh my god, Patrick, that is SO gay”.

And you know what? It is. And isn’t that amazing.


End file.
